I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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