when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
