God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
