Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
