Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
