tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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