i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
