dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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