No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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