Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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