suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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