just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
