Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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