So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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