I bet he comes in French.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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