she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
