I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
