Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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