i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
