I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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