eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
