Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
