I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can text with my tongue
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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