Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
