I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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