3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is it fun? or sober?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
