I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
