I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have aggressive nipples.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
