It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
