i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
