If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
