you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
