maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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