Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
