I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
