so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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