Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
