i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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