the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
