I got chris browned last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
