I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
