Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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