are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
