I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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