Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
