Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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