I got chris browned last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everything about him screamed your future.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
