Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
