I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
