i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
