I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
