So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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