It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
