shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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