Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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