so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
