you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
