If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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