brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
