I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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