There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
