i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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