We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
