i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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