I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
