somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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