I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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