Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
