are you so shy because you have an std?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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