Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
