life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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