Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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