So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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