meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
