hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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