Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we're so committed to being not committed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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