oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
