Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize