I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
