And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
