I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
