You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
