big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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