The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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