she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
