i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
