he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am mentally ready for anal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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