i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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