Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
