Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
