A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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