1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize