feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
