Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
