hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
